A memo about my marriage

Let's pause for a moment. I know I promised the ceremony but I'm going to break so that I can rant about something that is beginning to upset me.

Just because Chet and I are young, does not mean that we aren't committed to our marriage, jumped into this irrationally, don't know what we're doing, irresponsible, careless, or less self-aware than our older newlywed counterparts.

Let me reiterate that: just because we are young, does NOT mean we are stupid.

So please, stop telling me (us) that we are. I'm very protective of our marriage, and I am likely to snap soon. And that won't be pretty, I promise.

I do understand that statistics are against us, but statistics are such a fickle thing by the time they reach the public (funny example).

And, have you ever met us? I mean, we're not your typical early twenty year olds, in many ways.

We didn't get married because we're "in looooooove". I mean, yeah we're in love but c'mon. Give us a bit more credit. We rationalized it out. No, we don't have the same life experiences that a 45 year old couple has, but we do know that we can change with each other, and that's huge.

We do know that divorce is not an option for us.

I know that Chet can't sit still for the life of him while I am grateful for any moment of silence and stillness which I can get.

Chet knows that it takes me 45 minutes to fall asleep and I know that he can be asleep in 30 seconds flat (I've timed this).

I know that Chet will never, ever, ever, get out of bed happily before 11 am, while I could be up at 6 and have the Greatest. Day. Ever.

Chet knows that I pick fights whenever I'm pissy, and that means I probably need food or sleep.

I know Chet will never argue with me.

Chet will never notice that the toilet paper roll is empty, and I will always put it on upside-down.

Chet knows that I have a tendency to be a needy attention whore, about as bad as any Paris Hilton/Lindsey Lohan out there.

I know that Chet will always be more frugal than I am.

Chet knows that I will disappear into my own world while reading, and it's best to leave me alone.

I know that Chet needs touch to be reminded of my love, while he knows that I'm a total words person and would be fine without touch.

We both know the other's faults, but that's the beauty of this. It's super easy to marry someone when you think that they are perfect.

It's much harder to marry someone who I know will never have the same idea of clean as I do and probably miss my hints about EVERYTHING, even when I just tell him. Just as he had to marry someone who gets annoyed when the music is too loud, can't cook, and probably drinks a bit too much when it comes to long islands and shirley temples.

We looked past the perfect parts and married the dirty underbelly of each other.

And that's why we're going to work.

We're also going to work because we know that marriage takes work. It doesn't just happen.

Chet and I make a choice, every morning, to love the other for all of their faults, quirkiness, nuances, and being.

We promised to stand by that choice when we exchanged rings.

We know what we're in. We're happy to be here. So stop judging.


Sassafrass said...

Amen Girl. I completely understand and commiserate. I'm in the same position. I have the same issue also when some people tell me that I NEED to wait 10 years to have kids. I get so sick of these people not understanding and being ridiculous. If you need to vent I'll be here.

KFO-G said...


Sarah said...

I am going through a very similar situation right now. I hate it! What gives others the right to judge your marriage? I would never dream of telling someone else their marriage was stupid or wrong, save for possibly a situation involving abuse. Sometimes it seems like most people out there were raised by wolves or something lol.